he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
