he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I want a musical about memes.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
