I hope mine doesn't look like that
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
