Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Randomize
