I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
