she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
