Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
