and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
