If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
