he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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