Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
