shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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