she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
