I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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