Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
