It's Friday. Sex?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
