I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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