I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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