i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
