why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
