Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
