i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
