the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
they call him Oral-B. enough said
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
