worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
