im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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