it's too hot outside to masturbate.
People in love make me want to vomit
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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