If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
