; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
