Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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