My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i dont even know how to be here
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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