you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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