One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
