Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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