I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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