I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
