You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
