just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
