just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
