i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
