I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
