new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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