there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
