i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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