haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
