I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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