i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
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