She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
