I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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