pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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