I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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