dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
And then my night got REAL pukey
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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