I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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