I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
